Seth and Malcolm with PFLAG parents Jo Ellen and Harry. Seth and Malcolm are now married in California.
Editor’s Note: This store comes from Jo Ellen Gaines, a PFLAG mom and Coordinator of the Richmond Chapter.
The telephone rang one evening as we sat by the fireplace – it was the older of our two sons calling from California. He had been planning to come home for Christmas for months and we were so looking forward to seeing him. He was calling to ask if he could bring his boyfriend, the young man who had become special to him over the last few months. We said yes immediately, following the instincts we had drawn on ever since he had shared with us that he is gay. We hung up and once again began our process of rethinking, realigning, and remembering…
Remembering the Friday evening two and a half years ago when he was living in Richmond and asked to come over for dinner.. He refused dessert because he needed to tell us – “I am gay” . . .
Remembering those first few months of confusion for us, of denial, of anger, of bargaining, of guilt, of crying, of telling him we would be o.k. . .
Remembering his letter of reassurance to us, his wanting to answer our questions, his encouragement to attend PFLAG meetings, and his courage . . .
Remembering our process of going to each of our family members to tell them – fearing rejection, and after a time finding support and love for him and for us . . .
Remembering how hard it was to watch him board a plane last January to San Francisco, alone, determined, beginning a journey to make a life true to himself, to begin to emerge from that cocoon of self-protection and fear that had been a necessary part of his life for so long . . .
And now he is coming home for the first time – bringing a part of his new world with him to share with us. How will we react to this new reality? Our entire family will be together on Christmas Eve. Will we feel awkward? Say the wrong thing? The rush of the holiday is already bringing its stress . . .
The guys arrived on Monday before Christmas – after we finished dinner our guest jumped up and fed the dishwasher voluntarily – I already liked him! On Christmas Eve the family went to church and then gathered at our house (12 to feed!). We had a two-year-old in our midst. He provided an extra delight in our package opening time, interested more in the process than in the result, taking curiously what was given, reminding us of the importance of such thinking.
Later, after our guest left, we shared treasured time alone with our two sons. And even later, the two of us – Mom and Dad – were sitting by the fire again and the new reality sank in. Providentially, this had been a most joyful Christmas, intensified by trusting together, talking together, and laughing together at our occasional awkward moments.
Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meets the second Tuesday of each month at the ROSMY building on 2311 Westwood Avenue from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.
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