GayRVA Town Hall Meetings

GayRVA.com is hosting a series of forums on topics concerning the GLBTQ community.

Wednesday, October 7 @ 7 p.m.
Topic: Coming Out in Richmond
Location: University of Richmond
Jepson School of Leadership, Room 118.

To acknowledge National Coming Out Week, GayRVA & the University of Richmond’s Student Alliance for Sexual Diversity host a panel discussion on Coming Out in Richmond.  Panelists from ROSMY and PFLAG share their stories and ideas on making Richmond a more open place to be out.

Previous Town Halls

Moving the GLBTQ Community Forward in Richmond

September 26, 2009 | Gay Pride Virginia/Gay Community Center of Richmond

Some items have been paraphrased but remain in context.

Kevin Clay: I’m the editor of GayRVA.com. This is our first Town Hall Meeting to get discussion going in the community. On our panel today:

Mayme Donohue will be moderating. She is a political contributor for GayRVA and is a Masters Candidate in Political Science at the George Washington University.

Roland Winston is the leader of grassroots activism group Join the Impact and chairman of the LGBT Stonewall Caucus.

Eric Russell is a freelance photographer for GayRVA. He has worked 12 years in education and is a volunteer for ROSMY. He sings in the Richmond Men’s Chorus and is a bartender at Fielden’s.

Ashley Mitchell is the Youth Programs coordinator at ROSMY, a non-profit for GLBTQ youth in VA ages 14-20.

Ted Heck coordinates the VA Transgender Taskforce for the VA Department of Health. He facilitates Richmond Transformers – a support group for Female to Male Transpersons. He serves on the board for the Virginia Anti-violence project.

Christopher Murphy is a founding Gay Pride Virginia Board Member. He does graphic design and marketing for Gay Pride Virginia.

Rev. Robin Gorsline is pastor at Metropolitan Community Church of Richmond and President of People of Faith for Equality in Virginia.

Jamillah Arterbury is a parent and member of PFLAG. This is her first pride. She’s here to support her gay teen son and bring awareness of PFLAG.

Mayme: Thank you guys for coming out. It’s exciting to have this going on during such a great day. It’s awesome for us to be here and talk about it. So, I guess to get us started, the theme of this meeting is moving the Richmond community forward. We need to ask what the GLBTQ Community is in Richmond? I’m going to let our panel dig into that.

Chris: Speaking on behalf of Gay Pride Virginia, we are truly a very diverse group. We are the only group in the Southeast to have such diversity. We have a lesbian as our president, we have people of color, and we’ve had transpeople volunteer.

Robin: I’ve been here now six years. When I first started at MCC, there weren’t many woman or people of color and I’ve watched that organization and the church I’ve served grow. There’s been a shift – Richmond’s gay community isn’t just families in the closet with more money.

One of the ways that’s happening is the kind of thing that Kevin’s doing. We’re reaching people that we haven’t reached before. I’m really happy that it’s happening.

Kelly/Audience: I think Kevin has done a wonderful job. I think this forum is about moving Richmond forum. I think this and Gay Pride Virginia has helped us grow leaps and bounds. You all deserve some credit

Eric: I’ve been going to Pride events since 1995 – we used to have a huge parade. The community kind of splintered. We didn’t even have pride for two years. We had this great diversity in the community and now with this great technology there’s a shift.

Roland: There’s still room for change. During the time when we had Byrd Park events, there were a lot of women involved. They were more activists than people in the bar scene. Back then, when you had get a permit, you went to Babes and Scandals and get a check. Over the years, it’s just faded. Now, it’s gotten to the point that people can drive to DC. I can’t take credit for anything that’s taken place now.

Part of that is working on the caucus. I also talked to a gay minister and she told me she can’t support gay marriage. She said I can support civil unions, but I can’t support gay marriage. We can’t even have civil unions in the state.

Ted: I’ve been a part of the Richmond Community all of my life, except for seven years in the 90s when I went to California. I remember the Pride celebrations that we had in Byrd Park. I guess, there is a lot more diversity now compared to back then. There’s a lot more trans involvement than there used to be. It used to be just drag queens you see and other folks that might be there on the fringes. I think that’s slowly changing. An important thing to be aware of as we talk about being more diverse is how our organizations are named.  I’ve had some good conversations with the folks at Gay Pride Virginia about their name.   There are a lot of women that are lesbian identified that don’t like the term gay. There are a lot of trans people that are straight-identified. They don’t really feel like this is for them. Some do and some don’t.

Stephanie Meyers/Audience: I’m the cofounder of Richmond Lesbian Feminists – I agree with you on the naming of the Gay Community Center. We have this organization that is supposed to do so much for the community. That name is not friendly, but beyond that, people are mentioning that there were a few years when there weren’t pride events. Now that we have this center that is big and beautiful, where do we go? I’m looking for someone on the board of directors or the management that are decision makers. There is not a representative from the GCCR here.

Chris: To Ted’s comment, that’s extremely thoughtful. What’s important to remember – we’re still a young organization. We got our 501c3 status. This is not an official announcement, but there has been talk of a name changing in 2010.

For years, a select few of us on the board, it hasn’t not an easy task, you have so much behind it that you build up that’s going to be in the works. This is the Virginia Pride perspective. We have a brand that we’ve built up that we’ve worked very hard to build that up.

We’re all in this together.

Robin: I was really struck by the fact that this is a Gay Pride Virginia. When we had Pride celebrations a few years back when the storm hit, the newspaper said “Richmond Pride is still on.” What are we proud of? [Now] it may not be a complete name, we are at least claiming a name and some solidarity.

Mayme: Diversity is something that matters. It’s an essential part of bringing together the communities. Jamilah and Ashley – in my estimation of the movement, it is really the youth that are coming out earlier, louder, in larger numbers, and they are coming out all over the world. In really thinking about our youth, what are some of these strategies to reach out and get in touch.

Chris: One thing we’ve had an obstacle with is reaching out the African American community – we reached out to them and went to Club Colours. I think when you do that, you get a lot of good feedback from it. It’s a strategy that we’ve created a diverse lineup. Trying to be diverse in what we do and just that.

Robin: In the church environment, there are people who come for support. If they don’t feel like there is a place for them there, then they won’t come back. That means organizations have to change sometimes. It can be painful to watch. We lost members at MCC because we were very welcoming for African American folks. We let them go, because there’s a place for you.

We want to offer services for them. It’s not about being a diverse movement. It’s about being a movement.

David Wilson/Audience: Move beyond the “me,” move beyond the “I” and “You.” Utilize language effectively and efficiently. If we move beyond this pattern of the us and them, then we can tear those boundaries down. It’s really part of our message at MCC is tearing down that wall and ultimately relying in faith from God and in hope. And us as a people, then we have a reason to engage.

Laura/Audience: I think it’s about intentionally solidarity. I’m going to say I’m with you at our events [like Pride] – we’re going to show solidarity across our differences.

Ted: I look at immigration issues – it’s fairly easy for me as a white person who walks through life now as a male. There are other queer people from other countries seeking asylum because they are being persecuted because they are queer. If they are here facing that, they’ve been through things. They’re not going to be able to stand until they’re on some solid ground. If I can support them, then one day, they’ll be a part of this community. We need to make each other’s issues our issues.

Mayme: Back to youth?

Ashley: As adults, we need to make sure they are there too. I work with them everyday. The biggest battle we have is that we try to include them, but we don’t. This is where the at risk behaviors come in. I have 3 out of 20 kids come in with HIV. That says something. Not all of them have parents like this wonderful woman [Jamilah]. Seventy percent of my kids are in group homes. It’s there. I think some of us don’t realize it’s there. We aren’t going through these issues as adults, but we need to realize they’re going to be the ones voting on what changes can be made. Something like this should be encouraged to invite youth that are GLBTQ – I’m 16. There are a lot of youth that want to be involved. I would say 60% is in the age range of 14-20.

Eric: I taught for 12 years, I ran a GLBT program at my school. I had a lot of kids that were straight-identified that were saying “Jonny’s cute.” I was fortunate to find a place where I could be out as a teach and a coach. That was important to me because we had no role models growing up. We had Dr. Smith from “Lost In Space” growing up. Now, we have athletes out. We have UFC fighters that are out. I didn’t have any gay role models growing up.

Jamilah: As an African-American, as a parent of a gay teen that came out to me. I make the joke at PFLAG that my son dragged me out of the closet. I think of the gap between the teens and the adults. There are those that have gone through and paved the way. When I speak to my son’s friends, there seems to be a disconnect. They don’t appreciate the struggle and they don’t connect the history between what happened before or what we’re going through now. They are not familiar, they weren’t even aware of the Fan Free Clinic. A lot of people weren’t aware of the Gay Community Center. I don’t know if it’s these adults that are reaching out. I don’t know if it’s with the adults that we don’t discuss the same things and the adults are discussing they’re own thing. I don’t know if it’s having more leaflits available.

Ashley: Do I as a youth programs do I want to promote a 16-year-old going into a club? As an adult. We have a responsibility to educate them.

Jamilah: My son will be 16 in two weeks. When my son came out, he came out to me because he had other friends in the area that were gay. I had no idea they were gay. He came out to their parents and their parents recommended he tell me. He cornered me in the kitchen and told me I need you to be accepting and love me. The other kids’ parents weren’t familiar with PFLAG or the Gay Community Center. These kids just don’t get it.

Mayme: There’s a unique kind of scenario with this community. You’re born into a family, you’re born into a church community, or you’re born into a zip code. No one else knows what it’s like.

Ashley: No one in these roles of [city] leadership understand, those youth that get kicked out, what are we doing to help those youth? They’re gay, kicked out into group homes. Some would like to go back to school. As much as I would like to help them all, I’m on a Raman diet, I can’t support them.

Robin: Ashley and ROSMY has done a great job. This community needs a shelter. We are the capital for Virginia. We need one in Richmond. They need a safe place. There’s a crisis.

Ashley: John Dougherty, executive director of ROSMY has really been pushing. We don’t have the capacity to deal with this issue right now. You have to look this 14-year-old in their eyes and there’s nothing that I can do. That’s what leads to the at-risk behavior. Whether it’s infectious disease or ending up in an abusive relationship.

Roland: I think with the internet, they are coming out quickly. What they don’t need is permission.

Linda/Audience: I’m a native Richmonder. I was around in the 70s. I want to make a more practical comment. There’s a tremendous amount of energy in this room. My hope of this community center is that it is a capital “C” center that we could all work together to make it happen. There were a lot of hopes and dreams tied to this building and it hasn’t happened. I understand the tremendous financial needs of paying off this building and the mortgage. There’s a way that this space hasn’t been.

To the comment earlier about naming organizations, language makes a difference vs. GLBT – it’s a matter of inclusion. You automatically exclude – in terms of this community center. There’s energy and hopes that individuals would. During the marriage amendment, EV and MCC held an event and over 300 showed up on short notice. There’s potential here.

Eric: It takes commitment, people set these expectations and high hopes. I think that’s the way it is with any community anywhere. I know as a photographer I want to get to as many events with different people so we are showing everyone’s face. When I see stuff from Pride events, there’s “whoever’ there’s other faces. It’s making sure everyone is out there.

Jamilah: I can say for myself, majority of parents – they are coming out younger and younger. Before my son came out to me, I heard this commercial. It was a quick snippet on the radio talking about if you need help coming out to our parents, call us up. It’s not only the racial boundaries, it’s also culturally. If we live in a suburban and urban environment. I don’t know why there hasn’t been more work done to bring the word out that areas that aren’t done.

Mayme: It’s a financial issue. It’s really strapped right now. Unless, we start getting really creative.

Stephanie: I think it’s really amazing that kids can feel that they can come out now. When I was 16 years old I saw the movie  ”The Children’s Hour.” Shirley McClaine killed herself becasue she was publically accused of being a lesbian. Linda and I are survivors but there’s a lot of unseen suffering. Older GLBTQ people have had a rough time growing up in a world where they are not accepted. There are people you don’t know that end up in bars or isolated. There are fairly low cost solutions that could be provided   by a responsive Community Center  such as support groups and social activities We need to find a way to support these individuals.

Mayme: We have to wrap up our discussion for the next workshop, but obviously there is need to continue the conversation.

Kevin: I agree. Our next Town Hall Meeting will be on Wednesday, October 7 on the topic of “Coming Out” for Coming Out Week. More details will be announced on GayRVA.com.